Lord, my heart is so full and I have known that You would sit me down soon and allow my heart to pour out from the overflow of what You have been doing and accomplishing over the last week. You know Lord, that journaling for me is very healing and that it keeps a record for me of Your faithfulness. It is a blessing for me to look back about where we have been together. I journal for posterity – I want to be able to look back and see Your working in my life during this season. I have journaled for many years and it is for me that I journal. As You have allowed me to share some of my journaling over the last year, my intent has never been focused on anyone else. If there is any way that You would use this as a blessing to someone else – oh, please do. And Lord, I pray that maybe You can and will use it to be a blessing to someone but even if no one ever reads this journal, it is my journal written from my heart to Yours and I am talking to You when I write it. I would rather talk to You than anyone I know on this earth and I know that sometimes, Lord, You must just tire of me. I suppose I have learned through this season more than I have ever learned what it means to “pray without ceasing” that the scripture talks about in I Thes. 5:17. I know that You always listen, You always understand, You always counsel correctly and You are always available to listen to me – the Almighty God of the Universe. That is as great as it gets – so thank You Father and once again Lord here I go – rambling on. . .
I am going to start with the most current and work backwards Lord, so that I can possibly remember the things I desire to journal from this last week. You must bring them to my mind, Lord. Last night I had the opportunity to go to Edwards Road Baptist Church in Greenville and share with a “Sarcoma Support Group” – I must tell You Lord, that it not somewhere I ever thought I would be sharing and I wasn’t at all sure what I was in for. I had been wondering what You were up to. This whole thing for us has not been about “sarcoma” but about a journey You were taking our family on – it was the tool You used to accomplish Your purpose. I didn’t know much about the situation I was going into but You and I have sure been in those places before so I just went with a heart full of what You had written there and figured You would let me know what I was supposed to say when I got there. I was countin’ on You.
You just amaze me Lord. You knew I was going, didn’t You? You had it all planned. When I got there, there was an older lady there waiting – a beautiful lady with gorgeous white hair and a smile that reflected Your glory. I knew immediately that You had walked with her through her journey – it shone on her face. Later in the evening, I was to learn that she had battled sarcoma 11 years ago and at the time wondered if she would be able to see her three sons graduate from high school. They have graduated from high school, college, are all married and she has 8 grandchildren. What a praise to Your glory. She later shared that she couldn’t understand why You would leave her here and take my beautiful daughter. I shared Isaiah 55:8,9 with her – I sure can’t explain You but I can share what Your word says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are My ways, your ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” We just aren’t thinking like You are, are we Lord? You are accomplishing things that we can’t possibly fathom in the big scheme of things. For her, You had delivered her “through the fire.” You had refined her faith in the process and she was a testimony to Your grace.
You know I had wanted someone to go with me last night – it is just really a great blessing to have a buddy. It gives me strength to have a fellow sister in Christ walk with me. After a couple of strikes in Spartanburg, I thought of my dear friend, Beth, that I had gotten to know through Moms In Touch who lives in Greenville. Beth had walked Hannah’s journey with us from a distance. I knew she was praying for us, and keeping up with us but I had not seen her. She was as excited as I was to get to see her. You had knit our hearts together in prayer and we will always be able to pick back up right where we left off. I saw her big smile coming down the hall and You immediately knit our hearts once again. And then she introduced me to a friend of hers – Amy Epting – Thomas’ mom. We had prayed for Thomas. His journey had paralleled Hannah’s from May until November. A precious young man who loved You and honored You. He had leukemia when he was just four years old. It went into remission, came back, he received more treatment and when he was fifteen years old, he developed brain tumors as a result of the treatment he had received years previously. What a journey. I can’t imagine walking that journey for so many years. It was my blessing to meet this mother – a mother whose child came to live with You about the same time Hannah did. I am sure the two of them know each other by now - probably immediately. I pray for the healing of her mother’s heart. I pray Your great blessing on her two sons and her husband that have been “left behind.” Allow her to know You as Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals, as I am asking You to do in my life. I pray Lord, that maybe one thing I shared could have been an encouragement to her. I know she was an encouragement to me. We share the same experience. Thank You Lord for allowing me to meet her!
And then another Beth came in - the girl who had set up the meeting. I had called her on the way to ask her about the “logistics” of the evening and if the folks who would be attending were believers or not. I didn’t know if she had personally had sarcoma or what her connection was to this group. I was to learn that she is a young married mother of a little boy three years old. When he was one, she found out that she had sarcoma. She had wondered if she would live to see him grow up. She is a patient at MD Anderson and goes back there every three months for check ups. A beautiful young mother whose desire and heart has been to reach out to encourage others who are on the same journey. She is doing well and looked beautiful. She asked about the possibility of taking some of the new DVD’s of Hannah’s Journey back to MD. What another amazing connection – the same Drs. I pray for this precious young mother, Lord. Continue to bring complete healing to her body, and Lord I would ask that she be able to watch her young son grow up. Bless this support group and allow it to be a blessing and encouragement to those who come.
And then in come Bell and her father - a PE teacher in Greenville with a beautiful smile. She had sarcoma several years ago and it has recently reared its head again and she is currently going through treatment. She has come to appreciate each day as a gift from You. She is strong as is her spirit. I was later to learn that her mother had died of cancer several years ago after battling it for 26 years. I could identify with her father’s heart. I could identify with watching your child suffer. I pray for both of them, Lord. Continue to build Bell up. Allow the treatment she is undergoing to cleanse her body from every deadly cell. And strengthen her father, who is a physician, and allow him to draw his strength from you. Use this journey in his life to allow him to practice medicine with a new level of compassion.
One of the first things You allowed me to share was a poem that Ms. S brought me from across the water a couple of years ago. It had caught my eye the other afternoon and seemed to fit the message You had placed on my heart. It is called “The Weaver” and it goes like this. . .
“My life is but a weaving Between my
Lord and me, I cannot chose the colors He worketh steadily.
Oftimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride Forget He sees the upper and I, the underside.
Not till the loom is silent And the shuttles cease to fly Shall God unroll the canvas And explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful In the Weaver’s skillful hand As the threads of gold and silver In the pattern He has planned.”
Oh Father, even now as I type these words, I stand in awe of their truth and power. You are not a God who is in the business of “fixing” everything for us. You are the God who is weaving a tapestry that we can’t see from here. We see the threads only so many times and we can’t see the “top side” but oh Father, someday we shall and we will understand it all then.
You placed upon my heart some scriptures about our purpose and Your plan on this earth for us. . .
Psalm 138:8 “The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me.”
Psalm 33:11 “But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.”
And a new one Shelly shared with me this week that I continue to ponder – Acts 13:36
“For when David had served God’s purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep; he was buried with his fathers and his body decayed.”
You know Lord that pretty much sums it up, doesn’t it? We are and were created for Your purposes. And You alone can see the reason behind each of our purposes. You are trustworthy, Lord and I thank You. Thank You for allowing me to journal these truths – write them on the tablets of my heart in the name of Jesus, I pray, and Amen.