You know, Lord, I came to You this morning with a burdened heart - a heavy heart. There were a lot of things on my heart and mind - things that were bigger than I was going to be able to figure out on my own. You love it when I just bring it to You, don’t You? You love for me to come and dump it all out before You! You know it all anyway and I am playing games with You when I try to hide the heaviness of my heart or try and pretend everything is okay! So I wrote some things down that were on my heart this morning!
And You know, Lord, just like with David, when I come clean with all of it, you are always right there ready to pick it all up and put it into perspective for me, aren’t You? Tonight You have filled my heart with joy and praise and thanksgiving to You for who You are and how intimate You are with me. I speak pretty frank with You, don’t I Lord? You are not afraid of me! I’m not playing games and You know it. And You aren’t playing games with me either, are You? You want to show Yourself to me just as much as I want You to show Yourself to me - no, I’m sure You want to show Yourself to me more!
You know Lord, I suppose that one of the reasons for my heaviness, my burden is that this coming weekend Judgment House begins and Hannah’s story will be shared in 8 different states - GA, IN, AL, SC, FL, KY, CA and MO. That blows me away Lord - how big are You anyway? What does exceedingly, abundantly above anything we could ask or imagine look like? What does it mean that the fervent, effective prayer of a righteous man avails much? What does “much” mean to You? I want to know. The price has been high.
You know Lord, I have heard it said many times - even this week - that so much fruit has come from Hannah’s journey. In the deepest recesses of this mother’s heart, I pray we have not seen anything yet. As I stood at her grave yesterday morning after sharing with a middle school FCA, I asked you again to bring forth much fruit from this kernel of wheat that has fallen into the ground and died. When we stop missing Hannah every day and thinking about her all the time, perhaps I will stop asking You to bring forth fruit from her life. No, don’t count on it. We want every single bit of fruit You desire to bring forth and for as long as we have breath in our bodies we will continue to ask. We ask it not only through Hannah’s life but through the lives of her brothers - whose cost has also been high.
I am a spectator in this arena called earth, Lord, and I want to see You in all Your glory! And I think You want us to see You in all Your glory! Isaiah saw You - he saw You the year King Uziah died - I saw You too, Lord - the year Hannah died. You have changed me - I never want to be the same again. I never want to go back to life as usual - I never want to settle for less than all You have for me. When we see You, Lord, You transform us. You do it over and over again through Your word! You deepen our understanding of who You are - of how big You are!
You know that’s it, isn’t it Lord? We are the spectators on this earth. We look up to see Your glory - “we” aren’t the center of the universe - You are!!! Oh Father and it is only as we look up into Your face that we gain correct perspective. As I sat on the asphalt driveway tonight and looked into the night sky and talked with You, I know You were hearing me - without a doubt. This tiny little girl, in this tiny little town, in this tiny little house - and yet You hear and yet You know me! Bless Your name! I cannot understand the depth of your love for me! But I accept it and I receive it Lord - I don’t want to miss any of Your goodness to me.
I also understand Father, that spiritual warfare is very real even before the battle begins over these next weeks. Eternity is at stake. Judgment House is a powerful tool - it plays no games with heaven and hell. If we believe that heaven is real, we must also believe that hell is real. The scripture speaks more of that place of eternal separation from You than it does about living in Your presence forever in a place called heaven.
Oh Dear Jesus, as we have been praying and continue to do so, be glorified, be exalted to bring many lost souls into the kingdom of Jesus Christ through the vehicle of Judgment House over the next several weeks. Pour out Your Spirit - reveal Yourself anew and afresh to those who are participating and give them a new desire to see souls come to a saving knowledge of Yourself! Allow your Holy Spirit to have reign in every location, unite the body of Christ in every church and stop the enemy at the door.
I wait upon You Lord with anticipation. Thank You for clearing my mind and speaking to my heart today! All my love, Deborah
Eph. 3:20-21